kristyk

Strange message

Julie left this message on our machine this morning:

Mica and Mikal, it's Mom. Please tell your dad that my wallet was stolen and your credit - um I'm sorry - your social security cards were in there along with my credit cards and everything and they need to call 1-800-xxx-xxx. That is equifax so that they can enter your social security number and put a - a, umm alert in your file so that no one can, umm, use your social security card as their card for applying for credit. Umm, again it is 1-800-xxx-xxxx and just follow the prompts. Thanks.

Why doesn't she call herself? Why is it so important for us to call? I hate to jump to conclusions, but I hope she hasn't tried to get money using their social security numbers and is just trying to cover it up. She has a long history of fraud, including many felony counts. When she lived in Texas, I got several bills a month that she had charged to my name. I had a terrible time convincing creditors that I hadn't been in Texas and didn't know what they were talking about.

Keeping Track

We finally received the order from the court. It suspends the visitation for six months, or until further order. However, there is no restriction on telephone calls. Even before we got the paperwork, Mike made it very clear to the girls that they could call and/or get calls from their mom. We even gave Mica her own cell phone so that Julie wouldn't have to worry about one of us answering the phone. Since July 20th, when they came home, they have talked to her maybe five times. Of those conversations, only one was initiated by her. During this time, Mica has been having a harder and harder time with the fact that her mother doesn't call her. She understands if she can't see her mom because of court. It is easy to blame that on a judge, rather than the situation. But what excuse can an eleven year old come up with for not getting that phone call?

Last night, Mica was sullen and uncooperative. She wouldn't play volleyball, wouldn't eat with us, wouldn't watch tv or participate in any of the family activities. She was picking fights and talking back... generally being hard to get along with. I took her aside and talked to her. Every part of me feels like punishing her behavior and not allowing her to act that way. But, the reality is that the anger is coming from her pain. She just doesn't know how to express that hurt in a positive way. I told her that we loved her and were concerned about her feelings. Before I could even finish the sentence, she threw herself on me and started sobbing. She misses her mom so much. She said that her mom doesn't love her and doesn't want her. I think that she feels like there is something wrong with her.

I told her to call her mom and talk to her. She said that her mom wouldn't talk and would just make up excuses. So we did a role play exercise to practice ways to talk to her mom. Things like asking open ended questions instead of yes/no questions, ask for more details, volunteer information about what is going on in school, etc. She called her mom and I think it went better because she stayed on the phone for about five minutes, much longer than the last time.

Mikal only talked to her mom for about 30 seconds. She acts like she doesn't care, but she wet the bed last night. The only time she ever has an accident is when she comes home from her mom's house or when she talks to her mom on the phone. :-(

legal stuff

Mikal's teacher asked me for a copy of the restraining order yesterday. I didn't have it to give, as it hasn't arrived in the mail. The DV Commisioner instructed us as to what the content would be and the date it would go into effect. It has been two weeks without any copies being delivered. We have been conducting visitation according to the verbal instructions he gave in court.

I called today and asked for another copy, thinking the original must have gotten lost in the mail. They told me that it had not been mailed out. The District Judge (who oversees our custody case) had made changes to the order ~ suspending all visitation. What?! And no one told us?! She assured me that we would have a copy within the week and to go by the temporary order until we receive the new one. The temporary one gives no visitation as well, so either way we aren't to send the girls over.

I wonder if Julie knew about this decision? She had an attorney and I am assuming he would have been told about the change as he was responsible for drawing up the order. I told the girls after school because Mica had counseling. I was expecting her to be very upset and thought it might help to talk it over with the counselor. She didn't seem to care.

So, we won't have to send them over tomorrow. That means they will be here for my birthday!! We will be going to volleyball and football games Saturday morning, the fair that afternoon and then to the City of Rocks. It will be so much fun ~ I can't wait!

ex files

Just a quick note: Once again, Julie didn't call the girls at 7. She hasn't called since the judge ordered the phone visitation. Mica must have called her twenty times between 7 and 8:30. She left messages on the machine and spoke with a couple different people there. She tries to stay so positive about her mom, but you could see that by the time she went to bed her smiles were definitely forced. She is very worried. Her cousin (who lives with her mom) missed school today. She said that she missed school because of all the drama at Mica's mom's house ~ but she wouldn't talk about it on the phone. I think Mica's imagination is running wild... She worries about her mom so much. The girls go with her tomorrow from 5:30 to 7, so maybe they will get a little reassurance from her.

Hectic

Last night was the PTA board meeting, PTA meeting, SAC meeting.

This morning was the popcorn/pickle sale (which we finished in record time!!). I had to take the proceeds to the bank, do some errands for Mike, pick up the kids at 2:30, enter some photos in the fair, pick up Mia, drop her off at her game, take Bleu to practice, go back to Mia's game (which they won!), pick up Bleu, take the kids home, wash the laundry for the games tomorrow, run to the store to buy enchilada fixings.

Tomorrow we have the championship volleyball game at 8:00 am, victory party at 11, Bleu's first football game at 12:30, check in for cooking contest at 1:00 and judging at 1:30. Afterwards, we will hang out at the Whole Enchilada and have some fun.

---

Yesterday, the girls did get to talk to their mom. She didn't call, but Mica called her and got ahold of her at around 8. She said she forgot that she was supposed to talk to them. She also promised that next week she would ask for special permission to have Tuesday off so that she could pick them up for visitation. (hello.... she didn't have to work last Tuesday so how is work the excuse?) The conversation with both girls lasted about 1 1/2 minutes. Tops. I felt bad for them, because I could hear them trying to get her to talk longer.

Today, she didn't call again. Mica called and finally got ahold of her sister. She left a message and Julie was supposed to call back but didn't.

Mikal: Why doesn't my mom like to talk to me?
Me: Of course she likes to talk to you. She is your mom. She loves you.
Mikal: Oh, mom. (hugs me) Stop being nice. Really, why doesn't she talk to me?
Me: You just talked to her last night.
Mikal: Even when she talks to me she doesn't want to talk to me. You know what I mean.
Me: I don't know sweetie. She is working tonight, so she is probably too busy.
Mikal: I don't care. Wanna talk about my day?
Me: Sure...

These kind of conversations break my heart. From your comments and email, it seems most of you are on the other side ~ dealing with step parents and your own children. Sometimes I feel like I do too much for them. That I should step back. But I can't do less for them than I do for my biological children. We are all a family and I love them all... Sometimes, when things get really hard for them, I feel like I don't do enough. Like I should be able to do something more to take away the hurt and disappointment that they are feeling. It is a very confusing situation for all involved.

Mica makes a wish

Mica at the park

I am frustrated to no end. Warning: upcoming rant about step-mom stuff!

Next week, Mica's school is offering intermural volleyball for 6th and 7th graders. They practice each day after school for a week. That Saturday, they spend the day playing against other schools. It gives the kids a chance to 'try out' different sports. They meet the coaches and get a little experience. (Competitive sports don't begin until 8th grade.)

The good thing is that Mica wants to participate. But the timing is terrible. This all takes place next week. Mica already has two meetings for her robot competition that she would miss by doing volleyball. She also has counseling next week that she cannot miss. That means she would miss one of the five practice days. To make matters worse, she goes with her mom that weekend. Thursday I could take her to practice, but Julie would have to commit to picking her up late on Friday and getting her to games on Saturday.

In all fairness, I don't feel comfortable signing Mica up without checking with Julie first. AFter all, it is her weekend. I have no idea if she has plans, if she has to work, or if she even wants Mica playing volleyball. IF she agrees to have Mica there for the games, I need to write a note to the science teachers asking that she be excused from two of next week's meetings. I also need to write a note to the coach asking that she be excused from one practice.

Mica was going to talk to her mom about it at 7 during the scheduled phone visitation. Julie didn't call. The girls tried to call her, but she wasn't at home. It is now almost ten and she never returned the call.

I wish I could give Mica a definite answer one way or another. But I can't. I think that the uncertainty of not knowing where she stands or what she will be doing is very difficult for her.

Games

Wouldn't you know it... already a problem with Julie and we've only been sending the girls to her for a few days. The judge ordered that the girls contact the absent parent every night at 7. They were with their mom from Thursday - Monday. Each night, we talked to them for at least a half hour to an hour.

Yesterday, she dropped them off with a note. (Just to be clear: we are not supposed to send notes or messages with the children) Basically, the note said that she would be unable to get them for visitation today because she had to work. She stated that she was exercising her (non-existent) right to change days and she wanted them Thursday.

Whatever.

Mike told the girls no. The judge was very clear that we were to stick to the schedule and not contact each other to change anything unless there was a medical emergency. Today, I needed to go to the library ~ a block away from the courthouse where we drop off the girls. I timed the visit so that we would drive by at 5:30, the time we usually meet Julie, just in case she was there. She wasn't.

Seven o'clock rolled around and no call from Julie. Mica wanted to call her mom at work, but I told her no. I have no idea if she is able to get personal calls at work or not. So, we waited for her mom to call her. Fifteen minutes later, Mica was still worried. We told her to call her mom's house and leave a message letting her know that everything was ok and that they loved her. Wanna take a guess?

She answered. She didn't have to work tonight. It was a big lie... She told the girls that she had been waiting at the courthouse for over an hour. Another lie. She told Mica that Mike was going to hear from her attorney and he was going to be in a lot of trouble. Now, Mica is crying and upset. For what? What purpose did it serve? How did this help Julie at all? Why, why, why???

Of course, I can't find the note now. Mike had it last night and it has vanished. I hope I didn't wash it in the pocket of his pants!

note: It is very helpful to me to be able to look back and get specific dates/times for these incidents with Julie. I have decided to start a new category (ex) to keep track of this stuff so that I can have it as a reference.