There IS an end to my patience

On Friday, Mike received a letter from Julie.  It was a page and a half long typed note explaining why she wasn't a better parent.  She agreed that the girls were better off with us and said that she was not going to court to fight for them.  In fact, she plans to move to Phoenix to start over.  Do I hear a but... coming?  Yes.  She needs money from Mike to do it.  Eight hundred dollars to be exact.  And can we please think of a way to tell the girls so they don't feel like she is deserting them?

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, I think it takes a very strong woman to admit when she can't take care of her kids.  If she uses this opportunity to get her life together and become a better parent, then I have all the respect in the world for her.  However, I have a few problems with the set up.

First, the money.  I don't care about giving her the money.  Easy come, easy go.  Or hard come, easy go... but it is just money.  We would have to use our house payment to pay her.  That would make things really hard on us, but we would get through it.  I just don't want the girls to think that we paid her to leave.  Or that she is leaving because we gave her money.   If things don't work out in Phoenix, I don't want her to come back in two months and tell the girls that we were trying to get rid of her.  This was her idea.  Plus, Julie will do or say just about anything for money.  The fact that her letter says 'This is not a trick or a ploy' says it all.  We have all seen her tricks before.

Second, I don't like the fact that she expects us to explain this to the girls.  Mike told her that we absolutely would not help her unless she talked to the girls herself.  The three of us (me, Mike, Julie) were supposed to talk to Mica and Mikal at the park yesterday.  She called and cancelled, asking if we could please meet her at 7:45 at Chuck E. Cheese's today.  Mike told her ok, but I am not happy about it.  Today is BUTTERFLY'S BIRTHDAY.  I guess I get to rearrange her birthday party to be at Chuck E Cheese's. 

When I thought we were going to the park, I told the other kids to play on the equipment and to stay away from  the meeting.  I don't want all the little ones standing around, listening to the conversation.  Last night, Mikal talked to her mom and then came in and told me how nice her mom was being.  "I can't believe it,"  she said.  "I told my mom you told the other kids to leave us alone to talk and she said no.  She said all of our kids can sit by her.  She is going to be really nice at the birthday party and buy Butterfly a present.  I can't believe she is acting so NICE!" 

So, now I get to deal with Julie instead of enjoying my daughter's birthday party.  I hope she doesn't make a scene, because THAT WOULD BE VERY BAD.

Comments

[Dot]

I have given this alot of thought. I think you should contact a lawyer or the courts just to cover yourselves. Maybe you don't have to tell the girls you are giving her the money. I don't know I am just so worried about Mica and Mikal. Does she have a plan for her other children? What about her mother, I thought she was taking care of her that's why she left here and went back to NM. I am thinking of all of you and you are in my prayers.

[PoeticaL]

If she wants to abandon her kids and call it getting her life straight...ugh. She could do that where she is, from everything you've written she never has. Someone with her bad judgement will not make it anywhere. I would NOT give her any money...that'll just backfire. If she wants to leave let her figure out how she's going to travel. I'd be very leary of her. I think her biggest goal in life is to use other people and then blame same said people when it doesn't work out for her. She'd end up saying you didn't give her enough and/or what you said ...that you paid her off to leave her kids.

[Mieke]

HEAR ME NOW!!! Do NOT give her the money!!! Do not. I know you and Mike really want to believe that she's going to go or do what she says, but she is not. What happens if you don't give her your hard earned money? NOTHING. There is no reason to tell the children ANYTHING until a few days before she's pulling up stakes. I really don't think she's going to leave. If you don't give her the money and she really wants to leave, she'll find a way to make it happen, or she'll stay in Las Cruces and do what she's always done - which is a pain in the ass, but at least you'll have your money. Additionally, she just gave you more evidence for the courts, in her own handwriting, that she's a bad mother.

DO NOT GIVE HER MONEY. Do not have the meeting with her unless you KNOW, and I mean KNOW she's leaving.

I know you know this. I know you do. PLEASE PROMISE ME YOU WON'T GIVE HER THE MONEY.

[Dot]

Okay after much thought (and reading Mieke's comment). I ditto her. Do not give her money. I know from my own experience with her she will not follow through and you will be stuck in yet another bad situation. I am thinking of you. I also vote; DON'T GIVE HER MONEY!

[Mieke]

How did it go? I have been thinking about you all day?