At Mica's last counseling session (2 weeks ago) we discussed the importance of getting her out of the middle. In other words, she doesn't want to feel torn between her mom and dad. One of the big things that happens is that both Julie and Mike tell Mica to call and/or give messages so that they don't have to talk to each other. The problem is that Mica ends up hearing a lot of crap from each of them and she doesn't need that. Mike agreed to make an effort to talk to Julie directly.
A few days ago, we got the opportunity to test this new resolve. The city puts on a recreation program at several locations throughout the summer. Last summer, we had a problem because Julie decided half way through the summer that she wanted them to go to a different location when they were with her. As a result they lost their places at the one that my kids went to. (There is usually a waiting list to go) I ended up driving across town to two seperate locations in order to drop them off and pick them up. It was a mess. In order to avoid a repeat, I asked Mike to talk to Julie and decided together which program she wanted. That way, I can sign our kids up for the same one and not worry about conflicting programs.
The kids kept asking which place they were going and when it started. I explained that we were waiting for dad to talk to Julie. Right away, Mica volunteered to call her mom and find out what she wanted to do. I said no. Dad would talk to Julie and when they made a decision, we would tell everyone. Until then, just be patient. Mica asked what would happen if their mom didn't want them to go to rec at all. I said that we probably wouldn't put anyone in rec, but would stay home and do things as a family. I told her that we wanted to work with Julie and include her in the decision making process.
Not two minutes later, Mica asked to use my cell phone. She wanted to call her mom. And what were the first words out of her mouth? "Mom, guess what? We are going to recreation and Kristal is going to sign us up!" I could hear her mom screaming right away. I caught Mica's eye and told her 'Mica, that isn't true ~ what did we just talk about?'. Mica got back on the phone and said 'Oh, MAYBE we are going. If dad gets you to say yes.'
Great. Julie hates us as it is. Of course, if she feels that I (stepmom) am making decisions about her kids without regard to her feelings, she is going to be angry. Mica knows this, yet she made the statement anyway. Plus, it wasn't true. This causes untold problems between Julie, Mike and me. And it puts Mica in the middle. I talked to Mica about the importance of being honest when communicating with me/mom/dad.
It is hard for me to believe that she didn't intentionally say that to cause problems, because we had JUST talked about it.
Yesterday, Mica had counseling again. She was supposed to go to an individual session, so I was surprised when the counselor called me back. Guess what she needed? Mica had told her that I was signing her up for recreation and that her appointment time would need to be changed to accomodate that. What?! I assured the woman that we would fit our schedule around the regular time and that I wasn't sure when or if she would be going to recreation.
Mica put her head to the side with a sweet look on her face and said, 'Oh, that's right. I forgot to tell you. Kristal has to do what my mom wants. It doesn't matter what Kristal thinks, my mom gets to choose and Kristal has to take us and pick us up.' Big smile in my direction.
The counselor raised her eyebrows and looked at me. I told her we were doing our best to work with Mica's mom to find a solution everyone could be happy with.
Maybe I am being petty, but these are the things that are hardest for me to deal with.
